What began as rowdy but good-natured toy-sharing in the national sandbox quickly devolved into chaos as Donald Trump and Elon Musk - two alpha disruptors known for reshaping industries, reimagining space travel, reviving free speech, and generally rearranging the world’s furniture - found themselves locked in a power struggle over who gets the electric truck, the rocket ship, and the last pudding cup.
Eyewitnesses say tensions rose after Trump posted on Truth Social: “Elon’s toy rocket crashed into my sandcastle. Beautiful castle. Best castle.”
Musk fired back on X: “It was a test flight. Your castle was in the no-fly zone. FAA rules. Ask Grok to sum them up.”
The conflict escalated moments later when Trump told the media: “He stole my electric truck! I was gonna put my name on it and make it gold. Now it’s got weird doors and doesn’t even make a sound. Total disaster.”
Musk, sipping what appeared to be an algae-based cognitive enhancement smoothie, responded: “He was trying to retrofit a Hot Wheels car with a microwave and a flagpole. Science had to intervene. Honestly, Donald could benefit from Neuralink.”
“I already have the best brain,” Trump snapped. “Everybody says so. Ask anyone. The implants would only slow me down.”
Efforts at snack diplomacy collapsed when Musk offered Trump a piece of space jerky. Trump declined: “I don’t eat jerky made in California. Everyone knows that. I brought my own ketchup packet and steak gummies. The people love them.”
The two briefly attempted a sandbox summit to divide up the toys and negotiate rocket-launching rights. But it broke down after Trump called for “a little moderation on social media,” prompting Musk to insult Truth Social’s codebase, comparing it to a mix of Nintendo wiring and expired ketchup.
Trump shot back: “At least people use it! You made a whole site just to argue with journalists and post pictures of your fridge.”
The aftermath left America’s national sandbox littered with broken drone parts, spilled juice boxes, and one lonely Tesla-logo yo-yo spinning in the wind.
Observers noted both parties remained fully convinced they’d won.
“We are so back,” Musk tweeted an hour later.
“No one wins harder than me,” Trump declared on Truth Social. “Everyone’s saying it. Elon begged me to let him keep the toy rocket. I said MAYBE. We’ll see. Sad!”
At press time, both empire-builders were reportedly designing their own private playgrounds with advanced surveillance, exclusive memberships, and a strict no-sharing policy.
Statistics: Posted by Red Square — 6/7/2025, 8:30 pm
